In his introductory remarks last December, Tony Elliott said that “the journey ahead is going to be filled with some mountaintop moments and also some moments down in the valley,” and that “both are important for growth.” But there is no way that Virginia’s football coach could anticipate the amount of hurt and pain that the program and larger University community would endure this week.
The UVa family lost three beloved young men on Sunday night when Lavel Davis, Devin Chandler and D’Sean Perry were tragically killed, their lives cut far too short. Fellow Cavalier Mike Hollins was left fighting for his life, and has a long road ahead in his recovery.
It’s a tragedy that’s nearly impossible to fathom at first, and the pain persists even after the shock has worn off a bit.
And while dealing with his own grief and pain, being so close to the players himself, Elliott (and his staff) have been given the biggest yet most fundamental task of all for any coach: leading in situations of adversity with empathy, understanding and great care.
“My job is to lead in moments like this. I’ve had my moments where I’ve broken down and showed my emotions, and I’ve even had those moments in front of the team. I think it’s important that we all grieve,” Elliott said during an emotional press conference on Tuesday. “These are outstanding young men that we don’t understand why they’re gone so early. And I’ll look for the signs as we move forward, but right now it’s just to put my arms around these guys and tell them we love them and realize and figure out the best way to grieve.”
While his team is leaning on him and his staff, Elliott is leaning on his players for strength, too.
“For me the best coping mechanism for me is the young men,” he said. “Having a chance to be around them and to see them, and to see their pain, to see their hurt just inspires me to keep pushing forward each and every day…You prepare for this job. There’s no chapter on a situation like this.”
He’s right. There is no playbook for handling this type of tragedy. But unfortunately, Elliott is uniquely overqualified to handle something like this, having been through trials of his own on his way to adulthood.
Elliott was with his mother when she died at 35 in a car accident. As a 9 year old, he had to live with the scars from such a traumatic event experience. While that pain will live with him for the rest of his life, he has also used it to propel him to success in coaching that few coaches—and even fewer from his background—have had. During his time at Clemson, he also dealt with the losses of two players he coached, running backs C.J. Fuller and Tyshon Dye, not long after they graduated and left the program.
Earlier this year, Elliott shared lessons learned from those tragedies at Clemson with his current team, helping their legacies live on through remembrance.
And while those tragedies surely are not ones that Virginia’s head coach would want to draw upon, Elliott’s experiences should help him to help his players and staff through this difficult time.
Empathy is the most important skill for leaders. It comes from understanding, listening, and life experience. And often, from dealing with pain. Elliott can understand what his players and the program at large are going through, because he’s been there too many times. And now he’s there again, and will be looked to by more than 100 young men to show an example of how to handle grief and pain, and find a way to honor the lost, and eventually heal as a team and move forward without forgetting.
The best part of Tuesday’s press conference was when Elliott lit up talking about the personalities of the young men. AD Carla Williams said in Elliott’s introductory press conference last year that UVa’s new coach was someone committed to developing “champion men.” And it’s clear that he saw these guys that way. He beamed as he described Perry’s artistic side and Chandler’s love for dancing and singing and Davis’ gentleness and Hollins’ big personality.
It’s clear that Elliott cares deeply about these young men, and that they made an impact on him in their 11 months together.
The toughest part of Elliott’s press conference, at least to me, was hearing him describe his older son’s pain at this news. He and his staff are big on family, and the spouses and children of the coaches were always around at practice through fall camp. It’s absolutely brutal to hear Elliott say that his son considers Davis, Chandler, Perry and Hollins to be his friends, and to think of how hard it must be to explain a tragedy like this to a child, when even us adults can’t comprehend it.
“Then every time I see him hurt, I think about the 125 guys that I got, and that’s how their moms see them,” Elliott said on Tuesday.
Being a coach is a lot like being a parent. The players in a football program spend so much time with each other during the season and beyond, more than they spend with their families. And for young men between 18-22 years old, they are looking to their coaches for an example, for life lessons, advice and support.
Through all of this pain, Elliott and the team have a great opportunity to let the legacies of these young men live on through themselves as they move forward. It won’t be an easy thing to do, and healing takes time. But the best way for the team to memorialize Lavel, D’Sean and Devin, and honor Mike, is to work to be the best versions of themselves and also to stick together in the days to come.
“The message to the team is we’re going to celebrate those lives going forward and the impact that they’ve made thus far and the legacy that they’re going to be a part of helping us establish going forward,” Elliott said on Tuesday.
It’s been clear since he arrived at Virginia that the development of his student-athletes is paramount, in addition to what they do on the field. Teaching players how to tie a tie so they can wear a suit on game days might not seem like it matters much on 2nd and 10, but helping the players become well-rounded people is what college athletics at it’s best is all about. College football is littered with coaches that are in it for their ego, or their competitiveness, or frankly, the money. Elliott is one of the coaches that seems to be in this profession for the love of the players, and seeing them succeed and grow up during their time with him. That’s the type of coach a program should want to lead them through dark times like this one. Ethical, empathic leadership is crucial to success in any organization, and UVa going to need it from Elliott and his staff. And it seems that they’ll get it.
It’s been almost a year since Elliott said this, but it couldn’t be truer today.
“I know the business of college football will judge me based on the results on the scoreboard,” he explained, “and I’m passionate about producing positive results. But more importantly, I know that I’ll ultimately be judged by the positive impact that I make on the lives of the players and the staff that I’m so humbled to lead.”
There’s certainly an ocean of pain and hurt in the UVa locker room right now, and moving forward from this week’s tragedy is going to be a long, difficult process. But Elliott was brought to Charlottesville to lead the young men in the program. To watch over them. To guide them. And to love them. And while nobody would ever ask for this task, Tony Elliott is the man that will have to lead his team with strength and compassion.
While nobody could ever be ready for this, Elliott has the character to see this program through this terrible moment down in the valley.
Our thoughts continue to be with the friends, families, teammates, coaches and classmates of Lavel, D’Sean, Devin. I hope that everyone finds peace in the days to come, as we all attempt to honor their memories.
