Column: On grief, family, and the love that perseveres
Monday, November 14th was a dark day.
Like many, I woke up to a phone full of message alerts from friends about what had happened at UVA late on Sunday night. I had decided to turn on my ‘Do Not Disturb’ and go to bed earlier than normal because I needed sleep. I had been at my parents’ house for several days – first to see my Grandmother before she had surgery on the hip she fractured and then to grieve with my family when my Nanny died in the recovery room the same night.
I finally gave in to the constant buzzing of my phone around 7:15 Monday morning. The first message I saw was from Justin Ferber. He had texted Brad and I at 5:15 with a synopsis of all the events of the night, understanding we were likely sleeping and were about to wake up to a lot of terrible news. We spent the next couple of hours sharing any updates we could find and trying to process all of this as the tragic details continued to be confirmed.
One of the perks of having done the podcast for a decade is all of us have gotten to know some of the players and their families over the years. Maybe it is why I am always overly optimistic in my predictions for how our teams will perform or less critical of poor performance publicly than most UVA fans.
We have amazing young men in the University of Virginia football program. These young men have incredible families. These young men chose an academically challenging school when others would not. Many were hundreds of miles from home pursuing their dreams at UVA.
They were the best of us.
The ugly truth of the matter is many of the young men who come to the University of Virginia to play football are leaving areas where they have been affected by violence on a regular basis. This was supposed to be a place where they could be away from those dangers.
Unfortunately, evil knows no borders.
It is everywhere. Sunday night, evil devastated an entire community. It ended the lives of three young men early in their path to greatness. It greatly altered the lives of family members, friends and teammates of these young men, including those still dealing with injuries. It devastated those of us who cheer for these young men as if they were our own family.
Around 9:30 Monday morning, I had to step away from all the breaking information and messages to get dressed and drive my parents to my Grandmother’s funeral. I had to push back the hurt I felt for the victims and their loved ones to focus on the grief of my own. A couple of hours later, I sat in the funeral service remembering the amazing times I had with my Nanny over the 48 years I knew her and about the other stories I knew about her 88 years of life.
It hit me hard at that moment that there would be so many family members and friends of these young men doing the same for them in the coming days. Young men who did not get to live a long life like she did. I cried for the grief of my family, but I also cried for these young men and their families.
I love the University of Virginia. It has been a part of my life as a fan or student for as long as I can remember. My Nanny had a son and four grandchildren attend the university, and will likely have great grandchildren do the same. There have been dark times recently for those of us who care about UVA. But I will never forget Monday, November 14th. None of us will.
I pray that all of us learn to love one another and care for one another like we have since this news broke. I hope Lavel Davis, D’Sean Perry and Devin Chandler know how loved they were. Their lives were tragically cut short, but there is no doubt that these young men made a mark in their brief time here on Earth that will be forever remembered. I pray that Mike Hollins and the other victim of this evil act continue to recover physically and emotionally and know that we all love them too.
I hope that the families, friends and teammates of these young people know we stand beside them in their grief and love them like they are our own family.
Fly high Young Kings.